I met one of the most amazing women in my life, her name is Alexis Jones. She is only 26 years old and has accomplished so much. Her accomplishments include: hiking Mount Everest, becoming a celebrity on the reality TV show “Survivor”, completed a master’s degree in only one year instead of the standard two at the University of Southern California, and created her own company called “I am that girl” to empower woman all over the world.

Alexis is now a motivational speaker who travels around the world spreading her message of female empowerment, resilience, and living life with passion.  I had a chance to sit down with Alexis and pick her brain on the 3 powerful tips she has used to become such a successful leader.

Tip #1: Leaders are humble

It was during her college years at USC that Alexis learned so much about leadership.  She was able to participate in a leadership program on her campus. The program involved attending a several day retreat.  It was at this retreat that she learned that nobody can appoint themselves a leader.  It is a title that must be earned with humility.

During this retreat she met a young woman by the name of Becky (not her real name of course).  Becky actually believed that she was a best leader. She was very smart, disciplined, motivated, and hard working. The problem was that nobody liked working with her.  Why? She always appointed herself the leader in any given situation.  She would try to dominate the group by constantly injecting her opinions. After several days, people loathed her.

An interesting event happened near the end of the retreat.  The students were asked to line themselves up from the strongest leader to the weakest leader with no help from any of the staff at the retreat. However, the most interesting catch was that students were allowed to move each other around if they felt that a particular student was in the wrong spot. Guess where Becky put herself? She put herself in front of the line with the strongest leaders.  Guess what the other students did, they pulled her out of the spot and put her at the end of the line with the weakest leaders.  It was a powerful lesson that Alexis never forgot.

Tip # 2: Leaders are the best followers

When Alexis was applied to be on the Show “Survivor”, her motives were good.  She wanted to use the celebrity status of the reality TV show to launch her campaign of female empowerment, because today’s youth are so influenced by the media.  The only way to be successful was to remain on the show as long as possible and not get voted off.  Only then could she get the exposure she needed.   This would prove to be extremely difficult because anybody who has seen the show “Survivor” knows that it contains some of the most competitive A-Type driven people imaginable.  Alexis had to strategize.  She asked herself “what can I do to convince people not to vote me off the island?”  One answer was to be the best follower.

Whenever the group had to make a decision, her team would have a discussion.  Alexis’ strategy was never to give her opinion on what to do right away, even if she knew deep down inside what needed to be done.  She would wait patiently.  Then someone from the group would volunteer an opinion.  If that opinion shared was the right decision, she would then speak up and agree with the person and explain why.  Alexis developed a supportive role within the group.  By constantly supporting others, she built trust.  How did the other people in the group feel when Alexis agreed with them? Good of course.  They felt that Alexis was really listening to them and they appreciated her for it.

The most interesting thing happened when Alexis continued to support others.  Eventually, when confronted with a challenge, people in the group would skip the group discussion and would go directly to Alexis and ask “Alexis, what do you think we should do?”   When studying leadership and power dynamics in groups, Alexis developed what is known as referent power.  She built loyalty and trust with others.  She held no official title or position of power.  However, people would go to her as a resource for guidance.  The lesson here is that to be a great leader, you need to be a great follower.

Tip #3: Leaders Take Initiative

While Alexis was on the show “Survivor” she still continued to ask herself the question: “what can I do to convince people not to vote me off the island?”  How could Alexis become invaluable to the group?  She found another answer.  Alexis was determined to be the first one to help the group whenever it was needed.  For example, after a long hike in the wilderness near the end of the day, everyone would be exhausted and thirsty.  When the group needed volunteers to get water, who was the first person to volunteer? Alexis.  Not only was she the first to volunteer, she would go above and beyond to help the group without even being asked to.  After a long day when it was time to get the firewood, she would have already gone out to collect the wood.  She was always willing to take the initiative.  She helped others and did so without any whining or complaining. Leaders are always the first to help others when help is needed.

Just like Alexis Jones, here are some actions steps you take to become a successful leader at your school, home, or work.

1. When in a group discussion, don’t be the first person to share what your best idea is. Be supportive to other people’s opinions by adding to what others are saying.

2. Instead of always sharing your opinion first, ask others “What do you think?”

3. Take initiative. Don’t wait to be asked to do something if you see a problem arising. Try and prevent it from happening.  From something as small as replacing the toilet paper when it is running low, to something more significant like doing something nice for a loved one because you know that they are having a rough day.